I had a dream last night that my dad called me over to come home quickly because I had a packet in the mail that was from Korea about my adoption. I got a big envelope of information. Some were forms I already have from my adoption file and then there were new pages. I saw pictures of my birth mother in my dream. There were pages of new information about things surrounding my adoption. And there was definitely more things about my birth mother than my birth father.
I've never had a dream like this before. I don't know if it's because I've been having talks with some of my friends about being adopted or that I am going to be in Korea in around 20 days. It was scary...but absolutely the coolest thing to see a picture of my birthmother in my dream, even though I know that was her. But you never know, dreams are crazy. Is this a foreshadowing or perhaps a metaphor for something else?
So I'll answer the question some of you are probably wondering: Will I search for my birthparents when I'm in Korea?
My best answer is that is not my biggest priority while I'm over there, nor a major factor in me going to Korea. Getting TESOL experience, learning the language and culture, seeing friends....that is why I'm going. Yes, I absolutely want to visit an orphanage while I'm there but I don't know if I can seek out my birthmother with a conscious heart. It's not like America where having kids outside of being married is completely acceptable. There's so much stigma and bad things that can happen. I decided back in high school when I turned down my first Korea trip that I wanted protect my birthmother from ever feeling any pain because she did the same to me by giving me to my amazing family. If I feel in my heart that it's okay to seek her out privately, I'll make small attempts. But for now, I am content praying for her health and well-being and constantly thanking her for being the best mom she could be to me and giving me up for adoption. I have a mom that loved and carried me for nine months and now I have the best family that I could ever ask for. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
